Wise one-liners

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Wise one-liners

Post by LeslieG on Thu 14 Jan 2010 - 20:07

Subject: Wise words : One- liners


Abstinence is a great virtue, as long as it’s taken in moderation.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Of all my many virtues, humility is by far the greatest.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

When in doubt, mumble.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.


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LeslieG
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Posts : 181
Join date : 2009-11-03
Age : 71
Location : Lincoln

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Re: Wise one-liners

Post by bubbles19 on Thu 14 Jan 2010 - 20:59

Hey - I resemble some of these lala lol!

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