Darwin Awards

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Darwin Awards

Post by Alby on Fri 9 Apr 2010 - 2:51

> The 1998 Darwin Awards.......
> They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the
> Darwin
> Award - It's an annual honour given to the person who did the
> universal
> human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the most
> extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has been
> keen
> again. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for
> this
> event.
> (1) In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
> millipede
> with a shot from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off
> a
> rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head,
> fracturing his
> skull.
> (2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean
> out
> cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favour of a
> propane
> torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
> house.
> (3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalised in Andover Township, NJ, in
> September and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of
> dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the
> bored
> couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see
> what
> would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window was
> closed.
> (4) Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual
> festival in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting. This
> year,
> no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, including one
> gored in the head and one Bobbittized. Said one participant, "It's
> just one
> bull against (a town of) a thousand Morons."
> Japan Times-April 16, 1997
> "The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of
> 'Pumping'", a
> spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told reporters. "If this
> perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand's
> manhood."
> He was speaking after the remains of 13-year-old Charnchai
> Puanmuangpak had
> been rushed into the hospital's emergency room. "Most 'Pumpers' use a
> standard bicycle pump," he explained, "inserting the nozzle far
> up their rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating a
> momentary
> high. This act is a sin against God." Charnchai took it further
> still. He
> started using a two- cylinder foot pump, but even that wasn't exciting
> enough for him, and he boasted to friends that he was going to try the
> compressed air hose at a nearby gasoline station. They dared him to do
> it
> so, under cover of darkness, he snuck in. Not realising how powerful
> the
> machine was, he inserted the tube deep into his rectum, and placed a
> coin
> in the slot. As a result, he died virtually instantly, but passers-by
> are
> still in shock. One woman thought she was watching a twilight fire-
> works
> display, and started clapping. "We still haven't located all of him",
> say
> the police authorities. "When that quantity of air interacted with
> the gas
> in his system, he nearly exploded. It was like an atom bomb went off
> or
> something." "Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all say no
> to
> Satan," Ratchasima concluded. "Inflate your tires by all means, but
> then
> hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you."
> Let's hear it for Charnchai Puanmuangpak, the NEW 1998 undisputed
> Darwin
> Awards recipient!!!
> One to look for in the future.......
> ...................Will this kid become a Darwin Award winner?
> Doctor's surgery in Melbourne's western suburbs.
> A young working class mother leads her tearful 4 year old son into
> the consulting room.
> The doctor says, "What seems to be the problem?"
> The mother says to her son, "Well go on. Show the doctor."
> The lad reluctantly removed his trousers to reveal a very badly
> lacerated penis. The foreskin was just about completely severed.
> The doctor says in his kindest voice, "Oh, you poor little chap.
> That must really hurt."
> The mother turns to the doctor. "Now, don't you give him any
> sympathy. I've told him a hundred times not to piss on the parrot."
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